Scanxiety for nothing

Well we woke up bright and early for Mal's ultrasound (liver and tumor sites) then we walked into the room where they do the MIBG radioactive isotope injection to find out because Mal has a slight cold that they were not going to inject her today but wait till she is feeling better.

I am having a big pity party, when it comes to scans I just want to get them DONE and OVER, I get stressed about them from the moment they are scheduled and now we have to wait even longer.

I've been working with a therapist for 2 months now, and we're just now breaking grounds with some of my anxiety and depression. I had a session yesterday that really helped clear my mind and instead of preparing for the "what if's" life has in store for our family I need to focus on the present and what we have right now. And today I'm just going to state it how it is "THIS FUCKING SUCKS". Excuse my language but that's how I feel.

I know we just have to wait another week or so but seriously I had prepared myself, I had the plan all set, and then life once again throws us a curve ball. I had talked to Mal's clinic nurse yesterday and she said we'd be all set if she wasn't coughing, well aparently that just wasn't the case. Let me state again "IT FUCKING SUCKS".

So instead of getting a "package" explanation of what her scans look like we get bits and pieces and last time the ultrasound showed "small spots", they did not light up on the MIBG but they are still a cause for concern, they could be dead tumor tissue they could be volcanos waiting to errupt.

So who knows, cancer, wedding planning, scans, who knows what the hell else life has in store for us. But I will state it one more time because I really just feel this way today "IT FUCKING SUCKS".