Mallory was totally kidnapped by the nurses here, I think all 3 girls have some serious baby fever and wanted to cuddle her all night. So Ry and I finally got 8 hours of sleep. (some how it just isn't enough to bring me out of zombie state).
I had a breakdown last night. They changed Mallory's dressing on her broviac yesterday and it took 3 of us to do it, she was crying the entire time and we had to cover her face with a mask as well to keep her from breathing on it. They want to prepare us for taking care of everything when we get discharged. We have to change dressings, clean end caps, and flush the lines as well. I don't know what happens but every time they talk about this stuff I get the feeling in my stomach like I am going on a roller coaster and I am stuck falling and my heart is just on fire. I know I am strong enough to get it eventually its just right now I am so overwhelmed. Not even a week ago my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and there already pushing to prepare us for when we go home. I still want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out.
We are staying strong for our little girl. I know some days are going to be worse than others, yesterday was probably just one of those days for me.
-ash
Two months later she was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma cancer.
After being Stage 4, enduring 6 rounds of chemo, two major surgeries:
This little fighter was declared in remission on May 18, 2012!!
This is her story.
If you FOUND our balloon from our Wayland, MI Balloon Launch on Mallory's Birthday leave a comment or email us at sweetbabymallory@gmail.com
Awww I love u Ashley...And you are allowed to have breakdowns...I will learn how to do it so i can help u..I thank God every day for all of u!!!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you!! I am sure it's overwhelming-- but I believe they will teach you and guide you how to care for her. That doesn't make it better or easy-- but I pray you feel a sense of hope!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but saw Mallory's story on Gabby Vogel's Get Well Gabby page. I have been praying so hard, and worrying about a sweet baby I don't know, but have grow so worried about. I just wanted to tell you I had to do IV medication, in a port on my mother and flush lines. I used to get hot, sweaty hot, my stomach would spin, and I threw up from nerves the first time. Guess what? It did get better, we survived and did what we had to do. You poor thing. The nurse told me it was the stress, exhaustion, fear....I feel very sorry and sad for you. Mallory is beautiful, I had a sick baby, and kept telling myself, he would never remember this....That helped me, maybe it will help you. Many HUGS to you. Love Chris
ReplyDeleteI am one of the Sept 11 moms and have been following your blog since reading your post. Just want to let you know we are praying for all of you and celebrating Mallory's good days. We are here for you.~~ Paigethemarinewife
ReplyDeleteOh Ashley, hun you are allowed to break down now & then, you wouldnt be a caring Mommy if you didnt. I cannot imagine doing what has to be done, but I have faith eventually the roller coaster will ease up. But remember, take some time for you too and no its not a selfish move for if you dont, it will only get worse. Take 5 now & then, even to step outside for fresh air. Im sending you a big hug, Karen
ReplyDeleteAll you are feeling is very normal and expected. All of this is sooooo overwhelming at first. Once you get all the test results back and start treatment, you will fall into a routine and it will get easier and better. It's just hard with a little one, but Mallory sounds tough and she will get used to all that is happening to her too. Just keep taking deep breaths when you get overwhelmed. It's going to be ok, keep telling yourself that. Stay positive! And keep getting your rest, it makes ALL the difference in the world how you are able to cope with all this. And eat healthy, no junk food. Sugar will just depress you. Just make sure you eat well. Take care of yourself! Prayers will continue! Alice (Christy's friend)
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